5 posts tagged “love”

For Chris

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Can you see it?

I wander in the middle of a wide, green meadow;
There I stand amidst the sweet mild scent of fresh grass
Tinted with wild flowers; A serenity's soft embrace.
Your presence flows around me.

Can you feel it?

Warm like blankets enveloping and a cool, gentle breeze caressing my skin,
Combing my hair by the fingers of the wind;
And above, blue sky, clouds small and scattered about.
Your presence flows around me.

Just imagine.

Here I lay, out in the field.
Its grass, its flowers, its skies, its might,
Its spirit is yours, so here I remain;
Remembering the scent and the warmth.
And in this I find a feeling that's true,
It's this feeling that binds me to you.

An hour of creation listening to the music of my heart. I was just playing with photoshop's effects and brushes. The one that took a while was the title and the right words for it.

I placed a subtle message, "Love is a smoke made with fumes of sighs" as my cousin said to me when I showed her this piece when I asked her what text should I place in.

1280x1024 Dimension can be downloaded through my deviantart. http://poetess.deviantart.com

Within one's journey, one tries to find a proof of their existence and I believe that finding 'love' is a big part of that. Finding love does not just mean just having a partner but on every aspect of one's life. It revolves with your job, family, friends, hobbies, pets and most especially yourself.

Let me tell you something and I believe that everyone went through this and they would agree with me or I hope that they would. Once shy and twice bitten, the heart aches and heart breaks can be too much but not as much as causing us to die; Those who would commit suicides because of it is hard to understand sometimes; those who are damaged and couldn't find their way is much the same as committing suicide; and those who gained, learned, matured and moved on are the ones who are lucky. Lucky enough to know their own place in this world.

I used to believe that feeling pain is a proof of my existence, that I am human. Although, I was looking at it the wrong way, I ended having the wrong decisions and the wrong time to make them. It took me two years to recover from my first heart break and it took a year from my second one. Leaving my heart scared of what is to come and then creating images that most men will just use me.

Two years ago, when I was working and met new friends I made a promise that I will try my best to enjoy life as it is. I began to love my work and enjoy the company of the people in the office that became my friends. I was somehow happy but there are always one thing to remember. If there is happiness there is always sadness that tags along. My father didn't approve of my job as an in-house web designer and he often told me at that time to resign my job after my probation and work for him. I was sad when he asked that from me. I never once got an approval from him ever since I could remember. I chose not to follow his words because this is my life now. I should learn how to live on my own and knowing that my dad is a painter, I couldn't see my life as one. I rarely made friends within the local art industry and I feel alienated by it even though I tried to be known. It wasn't my place to be.

When I met Chris, I was scared and there came a time that I push him away. I usually don't believe in signs but I often ask God to give me some or at least help me find my own. December 24 last year, it happened a sign and it didn't take me too long for me to take that step and accepted it. It's been four months since Chris and I are together and I am hoping that it will last longer.

When one is in-love, they would appreciate every little thing that comes into their lives, right? Everyone would notice if someone is in-love when you see their work transpires into something that relates to it.

For example: my submissions in COLOURlovers entitled "Love Expresses". I chose these colors because I feel that red just can't show the love that flutters within me. I chose black and white as a subliminal message for having the absence and the presence of love; to have a somewhat concrete and none concrete emotion.

Pink - signifies romance, love, and friendship. It denotes feminine qualities and passiveness. Purple is associated with wisdom, dignity, independence, creativity, mystery, and magic.

I do not know if people can appreciate such beauty. I had a conversation with my brother about the website and the reaction that I got from him was: "yeck!". I was bothered to hear something as such when I know for a fact that my brother is also a graphic artist. That is one reason why he and I aren't close. My brother and I has a huge difference on looking at things. I created this palette last year but I wasn't in-love to anyone in specific. I just imagined myself being carried into some-sort of a "magical moment". But I guess, I am once again in the middle of a relationship that is actually weird.

Love is like a piece of art work,
even the smallest bit can be so beautiful.

- Stacie Cunningham -

Some people wants to have a love that is convenient to them but I don't want that. I want a love that is true; a love that is not an excuse to fill up an empty space; a love that you know that you wouldn't need anything else.

What's on your holiday wish list?

Gawd! I have so many wishes. Simple wishes; big wishes; selfish wishes; selfless wishes. But none of that matters if you or any one doesn't believe in them. Over the past days, weeks, and months; I wish I knew what I was doing. If I were to have my wish, I would wish that my friends live happily; that my favorite cousin would finally find her own happiness; that my aunt would stop being such a nag (but then again...I love her the way she is).

These wishes are for selfish reasons. Want to know why? Because seeing my family being well and happy, I feel all warm and fuzzy inside then I wouldn't be feeling miserable and I'll forget my own problems. What is my holiday wish? World peace? that would be such a trite, wouldn't it?

If I were to read most of the submitted post about this QotD, I might just as well start being cynical and chase all those hopes and dramas away. But I won't, since this is also one of my hopes and dramas. I have been blunt for over three years. Blunt is also next to being cynical and believe me I was cynical since 1999. Terrible years. If you've known me since then, I'm thinking you'd be laughing right now. Remembering, how much I would try to bring down the concept of living and love; Remembering, how I try to understand the meaning of the universe; how boring life is without having any pain. Because pain shows us how much human we are. But enough of that.

So that past three years, I turned a little softer. Now, I don't know if I am still (maybe just a tad bit). I guess having a huge fight over who I love the most had its payback. I chose the man I love over my life then everybody else hates me. Or at least I think they did. One thing, I'm sure why I love my family is that they will still take me as I am and they know I will surely do the same. Because they are indeed a "family". I would sometimes say that I love my half-brother more than my own blood-brother. But that might just be a tad lie because I do love them both as much as the other. Saying it is different from doing it. I would actually submit my own health and my own life just for the people I love. Isn't that so selfish?

They say, "be careful of what you wish for, you might just get it."

I remember a couple of years back, I wished for something that I shouldn't have. It was Christmas and I wished that everyone else in my family would be happy even if it would cause my own happiness. That didn't work out very well. Since, I was miserable for a time. I dragged along this line of pain; a chain of guilt. Which is why I was unhappy and which is why some of my family is also unhappy. Later on, I realized that even how hard you try to save someone in your family's happiness you can't do it by your own. I figured that if you live your own life and make yourself happy and share that to them, that is one way of making them happy as well. Now that is what I think of not being selfish. Still it's so easy to say and it's really hard to do. When all these years, I've dragged myself too far down to the strength to pull myself up again.

I am glad that I have friends, who in their own way try as much, to have me into their own lives and be part of their family and share their happiness. A few weeks ago, I was invited by my cousin's wedding and I may have felt a bit of bitterness since I'm seeing my cousin moving on with her life and at the same time I was happy since I am part of that life. Also goes to one of my friends who also got married.

Believe me, being there at the reception seeing old faces and remembering old times (which weren't a pleasant one but there are still little things that I know how they became my friends). Being part of a family or circle of friends has one common thing, because they are there. No strings; no expectations; just being there. This tells you how much I am afraid of being alone. I am so scared to live alone and, YET!, I am living on my own. How ironic?!

How does that connect to my holiday wish and what is my holiday wish, really? I guess my wish would be simple, "I wish for this holiday season if that I'd always be a part of their life. (even if its just for a small part, I'd be happy if you take me.)"

I just want to be loved