1 post tagged “growth”

Within one's journey, one tries to find a proof of their existence and I believe that finding 'love' is a big part of that. Finding love does not just mean just having a partner but on every aspect of one's life. It revolves with your job, family, friends, hobbies, pets and most especially yourself.

Let me tell you something and I believe that everyone went through this and they would agree with me or I hope that they would. Once shy and twice bitten, the heart aches and heart breaks can be too much but not as much as causing us to die; Those who would commit suicides because of it is hard to understand sometimes; those who are damaged and couldn't find their way is much the same as committing suicide; and those who gained, learned, matured and moved on are the ones who are lucky. Lucky enough to know their own place in this world.

I used to believe that feeling pain is a proof of my existence, that I am human. Although, I was looking at it the wrong way, I ended having the wrong decisions and the wrong time to make them. It took me two years to recover from my first heart break and it took a year from my second one. Leaving my heart scared of what is to come and then creating images that most men will just use me.

Two years ago, when I was working and met new friends I made a promise that I will try my best to enjoy life as it is. I began to love my work and enjoy the company of the people in the office that became my friends. I was somehow happy but there are always one thing to remember. If there is happiness there is always sadness that tags along. My father didn't approve of my job as an in-house web designer and he often told me at that time to resign my job after my probation and work for him. I was sad when he asked that from me. I never once got an approval from him ever since I could remember. I chose not to follow his words because this is my life now. I should learn how to live on my own and knowing that my dad is a painter, I couldn't see my life as one. I rarely made friends within the local art industry and I feel alienated by it even though I tried to be known. It wasn't my place to be.

When I met Chris, I was scared and there came a time that I push him away. I usually don't believe in signs but I often ask God to give me some or at least help me find my own. December 24 last year, it happened a sign and it didn't take me too long for me to take that step and accepted it. It's been four months since Chris and I are together and I am hoping that it will last longer.