TGIF

Yes, thank God it is Friday. It's been a while since I posted anything in here. My personal website is f*kd up. The permission property of my host keeps on changing and wrecking my wordpress; I can't even access the admin; so like my boyfriend would say when he's online "crap on a stick".

I read a post from my friend about blogs and I'll post what I said from there. My mom saw my first blog years ago, early 2003 to be exact. Blogs are meant to be read and it's a good thing that my posts back then were just little stories/chapters of my character in the online game called Ragnarok. She was somewhat happy, knowing that I am trying to write stories and poems but I'm just not good at it. The pressure from having to compete or be recognized when my mom's profession is a writer and my dad as a traditional painter. God know how hard my brother and I try to get their approval.

My mom knows well enough that I do not like anyone meddling with my life. I already made that clear back in college when I just suddenly burst out telling her not to butt in with my life. I still haven't said sorry on what I said before. I was mad at her that time. She is my mom, yes, but was never there to begin with. I inherited my father's pride. It's hard for me to say sorry especially when it's already been so long.

When my mom saw my blog, she told me about it and even corrected me with my old alias -- "poetess", thus, "thepoet". She said that there is no such thing as a word "poetess". I understand what she's trying to say, being politically correct and all. At that time, I was still weirded out about it. Later on, I'm ok with it. There is no harm in knowing your own child's thoughts and trying to be close to them. I'm still trying to learn on how to let myself become closer to my life when I've learned not to be so close. They are my parents, after all, no matter what.

Honestly? It's been more than four months since I actually visited my parents. I've been feeling weird the past few weeks, I know in my heart that I am content with my work and my love life. I am just hiding from that fact that I am not particularly content when it comes to my brother and family. Still, that doesn't change the fact that I cannot cut them out of my life. That is not how they brought me and my brother to life. An hour ago over lunch, I called them up saying that I want to go out with them tomorrow around noon. Filipinos are supposed to be family oriented.

I can't chose who my parents are or my brother. One just have to learn how to accept things but never let it be a source of misery. Tomorrow, I'll find out if things will be fine... if things changed or maybe I'm the one who changed.

God, please give me patience.