Mad Coffee

For Chris

---

Can you see it?

I wander in the middle of a wide, green meadow;
There I stand amidst the sweet mild scent of fresh grass
Tinted with wild flowers; A serenity's soft embrace.
Your presence flows around me.

Can you feel it?

Warm like blankets enveloping and a cool, gentle breeze caressing my skin,
Combing my hair by the fingers of the wind;
And above, blue sky, clouds small and scattered about.
Your presence flows around me.

Just imagine.

Here I lay, out in the field.
Its grass, its flowers, its skies, its might,
Its spirit is yours, so here I remain;
Remembering the scent and the warmth.
And in this I find a feeling that's true,
It's this feeling that binds me to you.

Nasaan ka?

"Nasaan ka?" - In translation: "Where are you?"

A song that my friend and officemate created. He asked me if I want to make an animation for one of his songs and this is the song that I picked. It's going to take a long while before I ever get this video done since I have so little time to spare and the fact that my computer at home isn't really build for heavy animation/video production.

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on" - Robert Frost

Many things happened the past weekend and its a mixed emotion for me. Most of us know of what happened in Makati City last Friday. The city that I have lived for more than twenty-three years. It's the first time that a huge explosion like that occurred in this city and from my experience, there were only bomb treats within the buildings that I used to work in. Lucky for me, most of the time those things happen I'm a few miles away or an hour away. I really can't tell the difference if I already walked a thousand kilometers already.

That night, my mother sent me a text message that one my cousin had a comatose. That particular cousin she mentioned to me didn't affect much but the very next day the younger sister of that cousin of mine sent a message that he's dead, that is when I felt bad. He was in his late 30s. He's the only brother within their family and I just had a thought, "what if my brother died as well?" I just really felt bad.

The next day, Sunday, around ten in the morning I went to church where my boyfriend and I usually visit to hear mass. All I could think of that time was my cousin and how I remembered him. Holding back the tears, I just smile every time I see a kid smile and play next to our row.

After that, I went home to have lunch and get my brother to wake up. At the wake, I didn't look at my cousin who is inside the coffin. I just chatted with my other cousins tending the other visitors. I just can't bare looking at dead people; dead things; I want to remember them while they were still alive. My only good memory of him was the time I spent my summer vacation at their house. Playing as a chef with his youngest sister and him being our taster/customer. Luckily enough, we just used those small sized ready to cook pizza crust and only added tomato paste and melted cheese as toppings, only using an oven toaster: we weren't such a bad cook after all.

That Sunday night, I went to my parents' place and learned that my sister-in-law was scheduled to be confined in the hospital that night. They're expecting their 2nd born.

I don't know whether I should rejoice or be in mourning, as what Robert Frost said: it goes on. Nature will take its place and God does the same. We can only do so much and hope for the best.

Blinding Surge

An hour of creation listening to the music of my heart. I was just playing with photoshop's effects and brushes. The one that took a while was the title and the right words for it.

I placed a subtle message, "Love is a smoke made with fumes of sighs" as my cousin said to me when I showed her this piece when I asked her what text should I place in.

1280x1024 Dimension can be downloaded through my deviantart. http://poetess.deviantart.com

Friend: I hate stupid people
Me: Oh, really? I like them actually
Friend: How can you like them?!
Me: Well, if they are not there, we wouldn't be able to differentiate ourselves, now would we?
Friend: LOL

----- DISCLAIMER ----

Ok, ok, people may think that I am mean... well, to some extent -- yes, I am but only to those who deserves it. i mean.. my friend encountered something really stupid from his officemate. So, to smoothen his 'pain' that's what I said just to make him laugh. I don't hate stupid people. I like them, actually. LOL

I'm not saying that stupid people are bad. in some area, i'm stupid myself also

Yes, thank God it is Friday. It's been a while since I posted anything in here. My personal website is f*kd up. The permission property of my host keeps on changing and wrecking my wordpress; I can't even access the admin; so like my boyfriend would say when he's online "crap on a stick".

I read a post from my friend about blogs and I'll post what I said from there. My mom saw my first blog years ago, early 2003 to be exact. Blogs are meant to be read and it's a good thing that my posts back then were just little stories/chapters of my character in the online game called Ragnarok. She was somewhat happy, knowing that I am trying to write stories and poems but I'm just not good at it. The pressure from having to compete or be recognized when my mom's profession is a writer and my dad as a traditional painter. God know how hard my brother and I try to get their approval.

My mom knows well enough that I do not like anyone meddling with my life. I already made that clear back in college when I just suddenly burst out telling her not to butt in with my life. I still haven't said sorry on what I said before. I was mad at her that time. She is my mom, yes, but was never there to begin with. I inherited my father's pride. It's hard for me to say sorry especially when it's already been so long.

When my mom saw my blog, she told me about it and even corrected me with my old alias -- "poetess", thus, "thepoet". She said that there is no such thing as a word "poetess". I understand what she's trying to say, being politically correct and all. At that time, I was still weirded out about it. Later on, I'm ok with it. There is no harm in knowing your own child's thoughts and trying to be close to them. I'm still trying to learn on how to let myself become closer to my life when I've learned not to be so close. They are my parents, after all, no matter what.

Honestly? It's been more than four months since I actually visited my parents. I've been feeling weird the past few weeks, I know in my heart that I am content with my work and my love life. I am just hiding from that fact that I am not particularly content when it comes to my brother and family. Still, that doesn't change the fact that I cannot cut them out of my life. That is not how they brought me and my brother to life. An hour ago over lunch, I called them up saying that I want to go out with them tomorrow around noon. Filipinos are supposed to be family oriented.

I can't chose who my parents are or my brother. One just have to learn how to accept things but never let it be a source of misery. Tomorrow, I'll find out if things will be fine... if things changed or maybe I'm the one who changed.

God, please give me patience.